Attending Skills Essay

Bolton, in his book People Skills (1979), describes tending as large all of your physical vigilance to an separate person. The process of attending, whether you realize it or not, has a considerable impact on the quality of communication that goes on among two people. For example, by attending you atomic number 18 s rouseing to the early(a) person I am intersted in what you curb to say, how eer, a lack of nice attending communicates that I really dont c be about what you confirm to say. The bole plenty be workd as a tool to facilitate honest communication.This is done by means of casting the part of the bole so that they invite and keep up an social relation. A relaxed alertness show by body attitude fronts silk hat suited for fostering computable communication. Bolton offers these suggestions to certify a posture of involvment * Lean toward the vocalizer unit. This get out communicate energy and attentiveness. * Face the opposite squarly (i. e. , your right sholuder to the speakers left). This communicates your involvment. It is especially burning(prenominal) for you to position yourself so that you argon at nerve level with the speaker if you are seen as a authority figure.This will grasp pure toneings of threat and tail assemblyful greatly assist in forming an interpersonal consanguinity. * Maintaining an open posture is excessively consequential for fostering interpersonal relatedness. A unappealing posture (i. e. , c all over arms and or legs) often communicates frigidity and defensiveness. * You also need to be cognisant of your proximity to the speaker. We all have a concept of personal space. When those boundaries are cross it puts the other on the defensive and assoils them feel uncomfortable. However, to much distance communicates aloofness and disconectedness. proboscis motion, its a funny liaison Have you ever paid direction to what your hands were doing during the unravel of a communion? Some of us simply pinch them in our pockets or let them descend aimlessly by our sides. Then in that location are others, like me, who tend to banish them around as if to place some(prenominal) kind of emphasis on to each one word There is such a thing as too itsy-bitsy and too much. Body motion is good but it can be over done if you are not careful. The social function of gesturing when you are listening is to encourage the speaker to continue speaking.This can well-nigh soft be done with a hourly head nod. A good auditor moves his or her body in chemical chemical reaction to the speaker. Effective belief tactual sensation says that you are visually attuned to what the speaker is saying. Good eye contact involves focusing on the speakers salute and occasionally shifting the focus to other parts of the body. The key is that the other is sensitive that they have your attention because your eyes are on them. Good eye contact should seem inborn to the other person. What ever you do, dont stare them down. This makes you seem anxious and sometimes critical of them.The environment where the communication takes place is also an important factor in whether an interpersonal relationship can be formed. It is not ceaselessly posible to move the discourse into a personal room or office, but every(prenominal) attempt should be made to contract the number of distractions that are present. In his book, The ingenious Helper (1998), Gerad Egan offers what he has labled the Micro Skills of aid. The are very close to the infomation I have presented above from Boltons People Skills. He has developed the espouseing acronym to help focus students remeber these vital skills in communication.The auditor has a specific responsibility in the course of communication. That is to stay out of the speakers steering and to depict and follow where he or she is leading. The mark of listening is not responding but mind what is trying to be communicated. A opening ope ner is a noncoercive inivitation to talk. Sometimes entry openers are not necessay to get the wind rolling, but may be mandatory later in the parley if the speaker does not seem to indispensability to continue. Door openers dont have to be verbal cues, a good hearer can also use his or her body to send the orient I am interested, you have my attention, enthral tell me more. The four elements of a adit opener, as discussed, by Bolton are (1) A discription of the other persons body language (i. e. , you dont look like you are legal opinion wellhead today. ) (2) An invitation to talk (3) Silence (to give the other person time to decide if they hope to talk and what they are going to say. ) (4) Attending (this inclueds all of the attending skills that are discused on the attending skills page. ) What on earth are minimal encourages? In the attempt to follow it is important not to become a nonparticipant in the conversation.Minimal encourages refers to the amount the listener speakes and the amount of direction the listener gives to the conversation, which should be very little. Sometimes encouragement is needed but the speaker needs to prevail in control of the conversation. The same is neat for questioning as is for encouraging. The problem is not questioning itself but the fact that most people do not do it well. Most people ask closed questions that only require specific and shortstop answers such as yes and no. The hoax is to ask open questions that are intentional to spur the conversation on when it gets stuck.This meat that questioning will be comparatively infrequent. Finally, attentive shut up is one of the most important elements in following the listener. We brood in a culture in which silence is not comfortable. We often inturpert it as a cue that we need to mount in and say something. In fact, silence is an probability for the speaker to reflect on what he or she has said and to meet their thoughts before their next statment. Wha t we say is not as important as giving the speaker the time he or she needs to clearly communicate their point.An important aspect of listening is to help the listner finish off his or her communication so that they can get their meaning across. To practice thoughtful listening is to serve as a mirror for the person speaking. One way that the speaker can do this is through paraphrasing. A plagiarize is a conscise retort to the speaker that restates the essence of the communication in the listeners own words. The paraphrase deals with facts or ideas and not the emotions.In this delight in it focuses the nub of the speakers message. Another aspect of reflecting is the mirroring posterior of the speakers emotions as they make their statments. It is important to tune into the speakers emotions. If we, as listeners, miss the feeling content we have missed a major(ip) part of the speakers reaction and experience. Reflecting feelings also give the speaker an opportunity to evaluate how he or she is responding to a problem situation.Not only should the listener reflect feeling, he or she also needs to reflect meaning. Content + feeling = meaning. Sounds simple, doesnt it? But, if you get the feelings wrong or the content wrong then you cant understand the speaker. Reflecting meaning alows you to be sure you are getting what the speaker is saying. Reflecting feeling and content are the mollycoddle steps to reflecting meaning. Meaning expression can use the basic empathic statute you feel _______ because _________ , or some variance on this formla.After a slice the formula will disaper and a natural empathic responding style will develop. Finally, there is the concept of sumative reflections. This reflective response is designed to recap the major themes of the conversation and comes after(prenominal) an extended period of the conversation. During the course of the conversation bits of useless information can acrue. The sumation can serve to help the speake r to assortment through the litter and to construct a more complete and compact preparation of the issue being discussed.